The Waffle Story

Have you ever woken up from a nap to realize that for a moment you don't recognize anything around you; as though you were dead and all of a sudden you have come back to life, and in this time, everything around you has changed? Well, I am in just that state right now. I went to take a nap when I last wrote. And today, finally, I have woken up. And I don't recognize anything around me. This nap, was a little longer than the usual ones and I must have been deep asleep for I am still trying to figure out how from Delhi, I have landed in Bangalore. Time flew by so quickly that it seems it was all a dream.

I haven't written in a long long time. And I didn't realize how much I missed it. So today, upon waking up, I decided to start documenting each dream, each nightmare I saw when I was taking that nap. These dreams, these instances, like lego pieces, have gotten stacked on the top of each other, in an attempt to some day completely form the image of a girl, who, one day, you and I might meet.

Our dreams, they say, take us to places we have never imagined. They somehow become the driving force behind everything we do. Sometimes we know exactly what we are chasing, and the other times, our dreams change with times. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. For those who may know me, this might sound absolutely ridiculous for I was always regarded to be someone who was very clear in her head. I wouldn't say they were wrong, for I always knew I what I wanted to achieve. It was probably the simplest thing one could desire and yet the most complicated. I always wanted to be happy and satisfied. That is where it got tricky. I realized in these last few years as I moved from Delhi to Bombay, from Bombay to Bangalore and transformed from a college student to a professional, that this was probably the hardest thing to ever achieve.

In the last few years, I have lived in three different cities, away from my family, have witnessed good times with friends who initially were just some strangers that I was afraid to even talk to, I have also dealt with the hardships of living away from home. What these experiences have taught me is that no one can expect to be truly happy all the time. As we grow up, times change, and along with the times we change. Our happiness starts getting defined by the number of designer clothes we have in our closets, or by the amount of money we take home every month. This world makes us believe in the superficial happiness.

To be honest, in the last few years, I tried writing quite a few times. But each time I started, I left my work incomplete. I could never finish it. For me writing has always been about sharing something that made me feel anything very strongly. While I have gone through some such experiences, I could never pen them down.

For some reason, I felt I could go back to writing and may be head towards the complicated goal I had set for myself - the goal of being truly happy.

A couple of days back, I left my home at around 7.30 in the evening, craving for some waffles. I went from one restaurant to another in the area I live, in the hope that at least one of them would serve waffles. I had had a bad day, and I thought hot chocolate chip waffles with some syrup and cream were what I needed to lift me up. As I walked on the 80 ft. road in Sanjay Nagar, Bangalore, crossing some of the famous restaurants, I got more and more anxious about having waffles for dinner. After all, they were supposed to make happy after such a horrible day. I walked down the footpath, listening to Chris Martin singing in my ears, in search of happiness.

A few feet from one of the most popular restaurants on the street, in a dark corner on the footpath, sat a family of four - husband, wife, a few months old baby in the mother's arms and another child who was probably around 2-3 years old. The family clearly survived with difficulty. The boy stood next to his parents, jumping up and down with excitement. The father placed a paper crown on the head of the boy - the one you get at Burger King, and the boy started running on the footpath, ecstatic!

As I approached him in utter amazement, I realized, he walked on the footpath as though he wore a real crown on his head, studded with jewels. He walked like in that one moment when his father placed the crown on his head, he became the king of the world. He ran up and down the footpath, addressing his invisible subjects, and I stood there in awe. He didn't care that the family might not even have enough money to buy a meal for themselves for one time. He didn't care that they might have to sleep under the stars, on the same footpath. He didn't care about who was watching him and what they were thinking. He didn't care about anything. In one moment, that 3 year old made me realize the meaning of true happiness. He made me realize how much I had changed. I had grown up, which meant, I now measured my happiness in terms of food, money, clothes, etc. I had forgotten the meaning on true happiness, the meaning of innocence. and was running around looking for materialistic things to make me happy. I had forgotten how easy it is to be happy and how we make life so complicated for ourselves.

I stood there for two minutes at a little distance, just looking at him and reflecting upon what i had become. These last few years, the responsibility, the transition, changed me. I stood there thinking of what it would be like to be this happy, how I could achieve that unadulterated happiness.

I didn't find waffles that night, but I did find something better. :)

Forever And Always...

I belong to the category of people who like to live in two parallel universes at the same time, one which reflects the world they desire to live in, and the other, the world where they actually live in. And it is not often that these two worlds coincide but when they do, its a beautiful feeling. Romance has always been something that I believed in deeply. It is something that is a part of both my universes. I have seen a lot of couples in love, some who have managed to stay by each other no matter what, and some who have drifted apart with time. I have seen people who were in love long before they got married and some for whom love happened after marriage. The one thing that remained common to all the couples was love. Every time I come across a couple, I find out something about love and relationships that I have not known earlier. I have seen my parents, their friends, my friends, and a lot of other couples, who let cupid play his tricks on them and have only fallen more and more in love with each other over the years.  But even then, there have always been questions that have never left my mind. Is it really possible for two people to spend a lifetime together? Does 'forever and always' happen for real or is it just an illusion created by novels and movies that two people in love actually are capable of devoting their life to each other completely? What happens when these so-in-love couples face old age? When they can no longer walk on their own or when sight and sound start to leave them slowly in solitude? I got the answers to all my questions a few days back. I was out with my best friend. Priya's complex in Delhi has always been a place where you can find a crowd full of cupid's victims. We stepped into a coffee shop and took a seat that faced the door diagonally. The coffee shop had a few stairs at the entrance which made the main entrance only partially visible. We placed our order and in a few minutes we were enjoying coffee. A couple of minutes later, I saw a man, covered in wrinkles, with thick glasses and a walking stick to help him walk, slowly climbing up the stairs. He must have been in his eighties. He wasn't very tall, had silver hair and bald patches, and wore clothes that made him appear slimmer than he actually was. He climbed up the stairs slowly and came and stood near the table next to us. He stood there looking all confused. We were looking at him constantly and couldn't help but feel bad that he was all alone at that age. A waiter approached him, hoping to help him but he dismissed the waiter. We sat there, trying to figure out what was going on. He had his gaze fixed at the door. A few mins later, I saw someone climbing up the staircase at the entrance. The waiter who had come to the man, was now at the entrance helping someone. And then, at the staircase, appeared an old lady, dressed in white, with silver hair, and a walking stick in her hand. As soon as she reached the last stair, the man slowly walked to her and gave her his hand. She held his hand and he lead her to their table. As they reached the table, he asked the waiter to pull out a chair for her and once she was settled, he sat across her. They placed the order for each other and sat there holding hands, looking at each other with a smile on their faces. I sat there looking at them in awe with the biggest smile on my face and watery eyes. They were both in their eighties, needed walking sticks to help them walk, were wearing hearing aids and were out on a date! They sat there looking at each other with the expression that people generally have when they are just in the beginning phase of their relationship. It was hard at first to believe what I was looking at. But it was a time where both my universes were coinciding. I was sitting there, witnessing a couple who had spent a lifetime together and were still in love and by each other's side. It was this incident that answered all those questions I have had. Some people do spend their lifetime together.It does not matter how old you get, or how much time you have spent together. Love, if it is true, does last forever and always, no matter what!  

Puppy Love

It's strange how a small event or word or statement made casually can send your mind into hours of deep thought. I don't know if it happens to everyone but it does happen with me. I was reading Nicholas Spark's 'The Wedding' and came across a line about how love is more than just three words mumbled before bedtime... I couldn't help but realize how true it is. As we turn 15, this whole new feeling makes a place for itself in our hearts. And as we grow, our experiences with it teach us something at every point. Even if one doesn't have a crush or a partner in teenage, he learns a lot by constantly looking at people who do allow Cupid to let him play his tricks on them. At every step there is a new lesson that awaits us. Be it falling more in love with each other, or finding out that you are drifting apart, love has its own ways of teaching us.I have seen so many friends who keep falling in and out of love every now and then. I have also seen a few who fell in love just once and have managed to hold on tight to that feeling and yet giving it the space to mature with them. I still don't quite understand how it is that all of a sudden some stranger becomes so important to you that everything in your life becomes about him/her. My books, after my mom, have been the ones to help me learn about a lot of aspects of life. They have made me question a couple of things and have also provided me with the answers. One such question that struck my mind while reading today was, is it true that we never forget our first love? And then, in the pages of the same book, I found the answer to my question They are the first ones whom we think about selflessly apart from our families. Someone who other than our family, or friends make us feel special in more than one way. And perhaps the reason behind the feeling being so pure is that we are honest to ourselves. We are naive when it comes to the worldly tricks and have only seen and believed in the positive aspects of life. We fall in love as easily as a child makes friends and also with that same innocence. Everything seems perfect then. As they say, the magic of love takes upon us and everything begins to look beautiful. This book was not about a young couple... It wasn't a typical romantic novel that portrays the hero as the most desirable man and the heroine as the best female on this planet. It was about a couple in their latter half of life, with kids grown up enough to be married. It was about their love for each other from when they first met as teenagers to two old people about to be divorced. It was about the possibility for two people to fall in love all over again even if there has been a lifetime of disappointment between them.
It is rightly said, I presume, that only when someone steps away from you, do you realize their value in your life. It is only when they move away that they teach you that life isn't as easy and beautiful as you have always thought it to be. No doubt that as we grow and mature, we begin to face the cruelties of life, but still in our hearts we hold the hope and the love we had felt at that tender age. And no matter how much we try to get rid of it, it is a part of our life that always stays with us... And sometimes it is the same driving force that let's you find that lost love and fall more deeply in it. 

आज फिर हँसी में इक ग़म को छिपा लिया...

It is everyday that we come across a lot of less privileged people around us. But it is rare that we take some time out to be with them and help them to rise from the place they are stuck in. I went to meet a few such kids today...sat with them, talked and played with them... and it brought so much of relief to me. But I realized it was impossible for me to not to think about them after leaving from there. And so, I couldn't help but write what I observed when I was with them. Such strong people they are, fighting everyday for survival, yet making it seem as though it is nothing so difficult. We reach out to some, but still there are many who don't receive our support. If you can feel what I am trying to convey through this piece of writing, then please try and contribute towards a better future for these people, in whatever possible way you can. Every effort, no matter how small it is, can be a huge step in building a better tomorrow.


आज फिर हँसी में इक ग़म को छिपा लिया,
बिन आहट चलने वाली धड़कन को साज़ का नाम दिया,
परछाइयों में जीने वाली आँखों को रौशनी कह दिया,
और दुनिया को फिर एक मुखौटे में ख़ुद से मिलवा दिया...

कितने  मुखौटे हैं यहाँ सब के
हर मुखौटे का अपना सच,
कितनी चोटें हैं लगीं हर दिल को
हर चोट का अपना दर्द,
इन  मुखौटों को, इन चोटों को
आज फिर खुद में समां लिया
आज फिर हँसी में इक ग़म को छिपा लिया...

हर दिन की सुबह  नयी
हर सुबह की शाम नयी
इन आँखों में फिर भी
न सुबह नयी, न शाम नयी
ख़ुशी ने दस्तक दी भी कभी तोह लगा यूं
ज़िन्दगी छीन न ले यह भी मुस्कान कहीं,
आज फिर दुनिया को एक झूठ से रूबरू करा दिया
आज फिर हंसी में इक ग़म को छिपा लिया...

चलते हैं इस दुनिया में
जैसे हैं राजा सारी ज़मीन के
कोई झाँक के देखे अन्दर तो जाने
हैं मुश्किल कितने अंदाज़ ये,
कि न है कुछ, और न उसे खोने का डर
फिर भी है दुनिया की हर रीत की कद्र,
ठण्ड में तारों की रजाई तले पूरी रात बिता दी
और सूरज की धूप में पत्तों की छाँव बना ली,
आज फिर कुदरत को अपना ग़ुलाम बना लिया
आज फिर हंसी में इक ग़म को छिपा लिया...

न घर है कोई न खून के रिश्ते कोई
पर फिर भी परिवार में हैं लोग कई
हैं एक जैसे सब, बस सबके मुखौटे कुछ अलग,
हर मुखौटे के पीछे है एक टीस अलग
कल मायने रखता नहीं, है आज जीना चुनौती नयी,
जीत पाना पत्थर दिल वालों  की इस दुनिया में
बस है हर दिन की कहानी यही...
आज इस कहानी को लफ़्ज़ों में ढाल दिया
आज फिर हंसी में इक ग़म को छिपा लिया...

Contemplation

When the wind embraces you and raindrops form your coat,
When the world is silently lost into dreams,
When the roads are quiet and the birds at rest,
This heart speaks like it never did...

When the heartbeat is the music,
And winds are the song,
When all you wish for
Is for the night to be long...
Long enough so that there is no dawn
Long enough for you to think on
All what life had brought to you,
All what life has taken from you,
All that you wish for,
All that wasn't yours...
When everything around is quiet and still
The heart speaks like it never did...

You close your eyes and feel the breeze
Chilly yet warm with memories,
The darkness of the night it seems
Penetrating through your million dreams,
Dreams you saw and realised,
Dreams you wish to bring to life,
It is then that the heart agrees
That life is not always what we want it to be.
Sometimes it is sweet and sometimes sour,
Can prick like a thorn yet remain beautiful as a flower.
For it is in then that time stands still
When the soul embraces life as it is
And the heart speaks like it never did...

Life: An Insatiable Appetite

I am in 'my' Gwalior for the past couple of days and as much as I enjoy being here, I have a sense of losing something at the same time. This is my last evening here and so I was sitting with my mom simply chatting. It has become some sort of ritual for us. My last evening before heading to Delhi is always spent lying beside mom lazily and chatting with her on all sorts of subjects while she sits there, patiently listening to me and answering all my questions. It is something that sums up my vacations - a long chat with her, about everything, accompanied by something to eat and followed by a piece of advice. This evening she said something to me which I guess I am going to remember more than any other advice that she ever gave me. Just when I was having a feeling of sadness about losing something she stepped in as my savior and I don't know whether she knew what I was going through or not, but her advice seemed just what I needed at the moment. She told me "No one ever gets everything. Life is mean to each one of us and hence it is important to know the art of detaching oneself from everything in life. Never make anything or anyone so important that if they ever leave, they take a part of your soul with them."  I realized how true these words are. We all have a long list of what we want from life. Some of us want to be rich, some happy, some both rich and happy, some long for that one special person in their life and some long for a whole new life. We are never satisfied with what we have. And the worse part is that not many of us know how to lose in life. From our childhood we are taught to fight to win, to survive. Unfortunately, we are never taught how to deal with failures in life. And even though we might be taught how to deal with failure in examinations at school and college, none of us are taught how to deal with failure in love, or in life. 

A Whole New World

A bird out of her nest…
The cosiness, the warmth
Somwhere it is left…
For now she is out in the sky
Learning to abide by
The new rules of life…

A new pair of wings
A dive and a swing
And she sways with the air
Completely unaware
Of this pleasant seaming world outside
Which had been in her dreams
Which she saw form the inside
Of her nest…
That security, the protection is gone
All she is left with is this unrest
Of making attempts to survive
In this world of dreams
Which demands her to fight…
Fight her way through the rest
As now she no more is in her nest
And the cosiness, the warmth
Somewhere it is left…

It all seemed so easy
The nest so warm and yet breezy
But now the meanings have changed
The weather no more seems to be the same
The sunlight’s warmth has turned into heat
And rain into storms that try to beat
her passion, her strength
To be yet again able to strike
On her target perfectly right.
But she ain’t weak so as to bow
To these storms and allow
Them to take over her dreams…
The sky no more seems to be blue
And nor is the grass green…
The true colours of the world
Aren’t a pleasant scene
But these are the rules for her to abide
With only a virtual support by her side
Now that she is out of her nest
The cosiness, the warmth,
Somewhere it is left…