Have you ever woken up from a nap to realize that for a moment you don't recognize anything around you; as though you were dead and all of a sudden you have come back to life, and in this time, everything around you has changed? Well, I am in just that state right now. I went to take a nap when I last wrote. And today, finally, I have woken up. And I don't recognize anything around me. This nap, was a little longer than the usual ones and I must have been deep asleep for I am still trying to figure out how from Delhi, I have landed in Bangalore. Time flew by so quickly that it seems it was all a dream.
I haven't written in a long long time. And I didn't realize how much I missed it. So today, upon waking up, I decided to start documenting each dream, each nightmare I saw when I was taking that nap. These dreams, these instances, like lego pieces, have gotten stacked on the top of each other, in an attempt to some day completely form the image of a girl, who, one day, you and I might meet.
Our dreams, they say, take us to places we have never imagined. They somehow become the driving force behind everything we do. Sometimes we know exactly what we are chasing, and the other times, our dreams change with times. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. For those who may know me, this might sound absolutely ridiculous for I was always regarded to be someone who was very clear in her head. I wouldn't say they were wrong, for I always knew I what I wanted to achieve. It was probably the simplest thing one could desire and yet the most complicated. I always wanted to be happy and satisfied. That is where it got tricky. I realized in these last few years as I moved from Delhi to Bombay, from Bombay to Bangalore and transformed from a college student to a professional, that this was probably the hardest thing to ever achieve.
In the last few years, I have lived in three different cities, away from my family, have witnessed good times with friends who initially were just some strangers that I was afraid to even talk to, I have also dealt with the hardships of living away from home. What these experiences have taught me is that no one can expect to be truly happy all the time. As we grow up, times change, and along with the times we change. Our happiness starts getting defined by the number of designer clothes we have in our closets, or by the amount of money we take home every month. This world makes us believe in the superficial happiness.
To be honest, in the last few years, I tried writing quite a few times. But each time I started, I left my work incomplete. I could never finish it. For me writing has always been about sharing something that made me feel anything very strongly. While I have gone through some such experiences, I could never pen them down.
For some reason, I felt I could go back to writing and may be head towards the complicated goal I had set for myself - the goal of being truly happy.
A couple of days back, I left my home at around 7.30 in the evening, craving for some waffles. I went from one restaurant to another in the area I live, in the hope that at least one of them would serve waffles. I had had a bad day, and I thought hot chocolate chip waffles with some syrup and cream were what I needed to lift me up. As I walked on the 80 ft. road in Sanjay Nagar, Bangalore, crossing some of the famous restaurants, I got more and more anxious about having waffles for dinner. After all, they were supposed to make happy after such a horrible day. I walked down the footpath, listening to Chris Martin singing in my ears, in search of happiness.
A few feet from one of the most popular restaurants on the street, in a dark corner on the footpath, sat a family of four - husband, wife, a few months old baby in the mother's arms and another child who was probably around 2-3 years old. The family clearly survived with difficulty. The boy stood next to his parents, jumping up and down with excitement. The father placed a paper crown on the head of the boy - the one you get at Burger King, and the boy started running on the footpath, ecstatic!
As I approached him in utter amazement, I realized, he walked on the footpath as though he wore a real crown on his head, studded with jewels. He walked like in that one moment when his father placed the crown on his head, he became the king of the world. He ran up and down the footpath, addressing his invisible subjects, and I stood there in awe. He didn't care that the family might not even have enough money to buy a meal for themselves for one time. He didn't care that they might have to sleep under the stars, on the same footpath. He didn't care about who was watching him and what they were thinking. He didn't care about anything. In one moment, that 3 year old made me realize the meaning of true happiness. He made me realize how much I had changed. I had grown up, which meant, I now measured my happiness in terms of food, money, clothes, etc. I had forgotten the meaning on true happiness, the meaning of innocence. and was running around looking for materialistic things to make me happy. I had forgotten how easy it is to be happy and how we make life so complicated for ourselves.
I stood there for two minutes at a little distance, just looking at him and reflecting upon what i had become. These last few years, the responsibility, the transition, changed me. I stood there thinking of what it would be like to be this happy, how I could achieve that unadulterated happiness.
I didn't find waffles that night, but I did find something better. :)
I haven't written in a long long time. And I didn't realize how much I missed it. So today, upon waking up, I decided to start documenting each dream, each nightmare I saw when I was taking that nap. These dreams, these instances, like lego pieces, have gotten stacked on the top of each other, in an attempt to some day completely form the image of a girl, who, one day, you and I might meet.
Our dreams, they say, take us to places we have never imagined. They somehow become the driving force behind everything we do. Sometimes we know exactly what we are chasing, and the other times, our dreams change with times. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. For those who may know me, this might sound absolutely ridiculous for I was always regarded to be someone who was very clear in her head. I wouldn't say they were wrong, for I always knew I what I wanted to achieve. It was probably the simplest thing one could desire and yet the most complicated. I always wanted to be happy and satisfied. That is where it got tricky. I realized in these last few years as I moved from Delhi to Bombay, from Bombay to Bangalore and transformed from a college student to a professional, that this was probably the hardest thing to ever achieve.
In the last few years, I have lived in three different cities, away from my family, have witnessed good times with friends who initially were just some strangers that I was afraid to even talk to, I have also dealt with the hardships of living away from home. What these experiences have taught me is that no one can expect to be truly happy all the time. As we grow up, times change, and along with the times we change. Our happiness starts getting defined by the number of designer clothes we have in our closets, or by the amount of money we take home every month. This world makes us believe in the superficial happiness.
To be honest, in the last few years, I tried writing quite a few times. But each time I started, I left my work incomplete. I could never finish it. For me writing has always been about sharing something that made me feel anything very strongly. While I have gone through some such experiences, I could never pen them down.
For some reason, I felt I could go back to writing and may be head towards the complicated goal I had set for myself - the goal of being truly happy.
A couple of days back, I left my home at around 7.30 in the evening, craving for some waffles. I went from one restaurant to another in the area I live, in the hope that at least one of them would serve waffles. I had had a bad day, and I thought hot chocolate chip waffles with some syrup and cream were what I needed to lift me up. As I walked on the 80 ft. road in Sanjay Nagar, Bangalore, crossing some of the famous restaurants, I got more and more anxious about having waffles for dinner. After all, they were supposed to make happy after such a horrible day. I walked down the footpath, listening to Chris Martin singing in my ears, in search of happiness.
A few feet from one of the most popular restaurants on the street, in a dark corner on the footpath, sat a family of four - husband, wife, a few months old baby in the mother's arms and another child who was probably around 2-3 years old. The family clearly survived with difficulty. The boy stood next to his parents, jumping up and down with excitement. The father placed a paper crown on the head of the boy - the one you get at Burger King, and the boy started running on the footpath, ecstatic!
As I approached him in utter amazement, I realized, he walked on the footpath as though he wore a real crown on his head, studded with jewels. He walked like in that one moment when his father placed the crown on his head, he became the king of the world. He ran up and down the footpath, addressing his invisible subjects, and I stood there in awe. He didn't care that the family might not even have enough money to buy a meal for themselves for one time. He didn't care that they might have to sleep under the stars, on the same footpath. He didn't care about who was watching him and what they were thinking. He didn't care about anything. In one moment, that 3 year old made me realize the meaning of true happiness. He made me realize how much I had changed. I had grown up, which meant, I now measured my happiness in terms of food, money, clothes, etc. I had forgotten the meaning on true happiness, the meaning of innocence. and was running around looking for materialistic things to make me happy. I had forgotten how easy it is to be happy and how we make life so complicated for ourselves.
I stood there for two minutes at a little distance, just looking at him and reflecting upon what i had become. These last few years, the responsibility, the transition, changed me. I stood there thinking of what it would be like to be this happy, how I could achieve that unadulterated happiness.
I didn't find waffles that night, but I did find something better. :)
Beautiful !!
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